Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize
