everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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