after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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