I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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