His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
im calling her cock vulture from now on
you inspire me to be a worse person
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
