you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize