My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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