When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
