totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
