Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
