I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
