I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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