The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
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it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
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You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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