Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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