Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
