Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
