i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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