What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
