its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
