My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
