go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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