Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
