omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
