Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
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