shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
