She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
