I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
