dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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