She just used a chaser for red wine.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Be still, my beating vagina.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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