I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
