Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Randomize
