dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
