I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Randomize
