So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
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You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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