Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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