By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize