he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize