He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i think im in europe. pls send help
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
