True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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