I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
