how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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