Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm at about main and main street
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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