woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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