my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
