So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Drake has all the answers
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
