Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
