Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
