Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
