ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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