no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
