I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
