He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
