not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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