doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
