Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
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