I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
