So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
