"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
